atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
