ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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