if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
