my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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