i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
