Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
