never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
