either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
