I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
