she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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