What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
