i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
