i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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