Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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