May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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