I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
