i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
