george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
