tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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