Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
