My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
