thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
