that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
