Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
