I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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