VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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