i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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