Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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