Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
