sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need a beard to bite.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
