i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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