What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
