its not stalking. its research.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
