I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
