Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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