I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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