No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
