listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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