He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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