Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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