Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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