so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
