My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
