Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
