hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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