p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize