I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We got so high we made milksteak
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
