How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
