she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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