I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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