is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
