The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
