he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
