Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
