Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
