That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
