Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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