Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
