so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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