So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bring me that man meat
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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