wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
