I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
