don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
