Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
