Soap is not a condiment
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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