I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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